First allow me to congratulate you for three things—
first, on your new squish..if this is your first bub, I’m going to say this outright—motherhood is not easy..it never was. Everyday is a whole new page to learn to. Your child’s uniqueness and your own personality will have to find its sweet perfectly imperfect match and that special bond between you and your child is beyond words. If this is your nth child, then you must have already sort-of-but-not-really-coz-you-know-kind-of in this thing called parenthood — aaand it’s OK. It’s totally OK to still have questions every now and then, to not perfect or know everything about parenthood. Just take a deep breath and surrender to the fact that it will get better. You will get your 8 hours of sleep in a few years..you’ll get to enjoy your hot cup of coffee without having to attend to meltdowns just because you told them to put pants on. (Hahaha!)
Second, congratulations because you chose to use a sling to optimize your parenting journey!
And third, congratulations because you sought help to efficiently make use of your carrier even if your baby seems not to like it. Good job for not giving up on your sling—that’s babywearing smart right there.
Before we jump in to our main concern—I would like to clear this one first. Babywearing is not the only parenting tool that can make our child happy. As long as the baby is held close, attended to, loved, supported, validated,.as long as his or her needs are met, with or without a sling, your baby will grow up happy and smart. But then again, why do we advocate for babywearing still if in-arms is already sufficient?
Simple.
We want to optimize our parenting journey—by enjoying unlimited cuddles and also getting back one or two of our hands to do other work like cleaning the house or tending to our other children. We want parents to babywear because we believe in the power of touch—such that our skin is the largest body organ in the body and is teemed with a lot of receptors and at the same time emit and detect chemicals that send message to our brain, nourishing closeness and bonding. We want parents to babywear because our children have needs but our hands can only carry so much for a certain period of time—and slings help lengthen the carrying moments. There are still a ton of reasons why we want parents to use a carrier, but that’s for another post. For now, we’ll focus on why our babies cry when they are worn.
Your baby cries when being worn..
..not because they don’t love you
..not because they don’t want to look at your face
..not because they hate your smell
..not because they feel “too much” of you
..not because they don’t want to be carried
..not because they don’t want to be close to you
..not because you are not enough
Your baby cries when being worn because, maybe..
1. Babywearing is a new experience. Just like any new experience, even with us adults, may give us feelings of anxieties—we would question in our minds if it’s safe. Know that when babies born, their brain’s priority is to keep the baby safe. That’s why a new sound, a new face, a new sight may startle our baby—and our fresh, new, crisp sling is no exception to that. Though some babies may jump right into the new experience with so much comfort, they fell asleep as soon as you are done wrapping, some babies need ample time to adjust to this new adventure, and it’s totally OK. Your baby will eventually be used to babywearing and your sling is no longer be something new to them.
2. Your baby feels hungry. Aside from being tired, hunger seems to be too overwhelmingly distressing to the baby especially that they have relatively small stomachs to fill-in and empty in a short span of time.
3. Your baby feels too warm or too cold. Slings, considering its thickness of the material used, can affect baby’s feelings of comfort. Note that slings can add up to the layers of clothing. For instance, here in the Philippines with a tropical climate where most of the day, in the lowlands (provided that the weather is fine, no typhoons or not a rainy season) is warm and sunny. So, an added layer through slings can be off-putting if we still follow the usual ‘norm’ of baby clothing here – jacket, shirt and ‘sando’ for newborn babies — as this can make our baby feel hot. It is also worth noting that this may cause significant distress to the baby and may cause overheating.
4. Your baby wants to pee. Yes, babies hardly eliminate when in close physical contact to another warm, social being. Personally I have wondered this in my first few years in wearing my children–that they do not pee when I wear them and that they would go arching their back, sometimes pulling themselves away from me, or even cry, when they really need to go to the loo.
5. You don’t feel confident and you feel anxious. Babies pick up signals from our face and from our body. If they sense that you’re not really sure with what you’re doing or that you feel afraid from all sorts, they also feel anxious. And just like any other normal person, you, as an adult would feel the same, right? In perspective, how would you feel if you ride in a car with an inexperienced driver? Yes, that’s how your child will feel when you yourself feels anxious in trying that carrier.
6. It was bad the first few times. Can you still remember a time when you eat a spoonful of newly-cooked rice–it was so hot you burned you mouth? What were your thoughts after that? Fear somehow sits on the driver seat every time a similar scenario takes place. It’s the same also with babies in slings. Maybe the baby experienced a not-so-good moment with the first few tries so whenever the baby sees the slings, he or she immediately cries. Remember, earlier I said that the baby’s brain is wired, first and foremost, its safety above all else–that’s why it cries because he or she wants to be safe.
7. Baby feels uncomfortable. Yes, baby may indeed feel uncomfortable due to some sling parts rubbing on his or her skin, or how the baby was worn–maybe a little tweak, some tightening or adjustment is needed to make the carry more comfortable.
8. Baby is sick. Isn’t it sling-use help alleviate stress in babies who are sick? Yes it does, BUT, babywearing might be a new thing and baby is still not up to the new adventure for now.
So what should we do?
1. Practice and be patient. Babywearing is a skill. One can’t just perfect wrapping and sling use overnight. I myself learned how to efficiently use a ring sling after a year of practice! Be patient with your learning skills too. It doesn’t mean that when you see it being used and being shown in a video that easy, it will be the same for you because there is a possibility that it may not AND IT’S OK. Just continue to regularly practice your skill. It is also helpful when you do it with a pillow, a doll or a stuffed teddy just to get the gist of how it must be used, first, before the baby.
2. Feed your baby. It is best to start using a sling with a well-fed baby, content baby. It makes them feel relaxed. Make sure that the baby did not just finish feeding because chances are, baby may feel full or bloated and may not really enjoy a pressed-tummy moment. After feeding, wait for a couple of minutes, maybe let the baby burp, relax and settle, before placing him or her in your carrier.
3. Try using the sling in a new environment. Sometimes the environment may feel ‘too much’ for the child. Maybe the surrounding is too loud, or crowded, has bright lights, etc. In my experience, when the carrier is tried the first time, with the baby, in an unfamiliar, overstimulating place, the baby of my clients would cry incessantly. However, when it’s being done in a private area, relaxing environment, baby feels relaxed to and becomes more open to the new experience.
4. Rock the baby gently while inside the sling. Baby loves the rhythmic feeling of bouncing up and down, it’s a nostalgic feeling to the baby remembering back his pre-world life in utero. Gently rock the baby, to and fro, up and down just like how it would must have felt like when he or she was in your womb. It also turns on our calming reflex, just like when us adults rest in a swinging hammock.
5. Keep in mind the safe babywearing guidelines. TICKS by the UK Slings Consortium is all about protecting the baby particularly the airway to prevent injuries and even death. Alongside sling safety, comes ergonomics which also plays a huge rule in providing comfort to the baby. A baby who is worn safely, in an ergonomic position will surely enjoy the babywearing experience.
6. Apply tips on how to achieve better ergonomics. There are tons of resources that can help us with tweaking, adjusting our carriers to achieve better position. This is quite important such that a proper age-ergonomics is respectful to the current anatomy and physiological need of the baby. For instance, smaller babies find comfort when their spine is in a J-shaped curved with legs tucked in a narrow M position, whilst bigger or older babies, especially those who can already walk, find comfort in a more upright position with wider M position of the legs. We do pelvic tucks to promote a good hip-leg position too!
7. Never give up on your sling, on babywearing and on your baby..try again. As what I always say to my clients, “it’s OK, let’s try it again”..as much as it is a science and art, babywearing is a skill and with that it takes a lot of time to practice to get the hang of it. Every pull, every knot and every finish is worth learning, worth trying, worth doing. Just don’t give up on babywearing and on your baby.
8. Seek professional help. ask help. there is no shame in asking someone how to carry your baby in a sling. Babywearing professionals aren’t there for no reason. We are here to help you match with the most well-fitting carrier for you and your baby’s current needs and preferences. We are here to help you troubleshoot your carriers and give you invaluable tips which can maximize your babywearing journey. We are trained to support you all the way in hopes to bring positive changes in your life through the help of a carrying tool–your sling. Nope, we are not the know-it-alls, we do not know everything! Heck, if we encounter special cases, we still ask help from fellow professionals to get a sound judgement and wholistic approach. My point is, you are not alone in this journey, and we are here so you can enjoy babywearing – safe and ergonomic.
hmmm, what’s my personal experience?
Yep! my firstborn cried the first three times I placed him on a stretchy wrap. He was only 2 weeks then. I had a lot of self-doubts while I was wrapping him the whole time..I had a C-section and still feel very sleepy but I was so into the new challenge of using a sling so i tried and tried until my baby somehow got used to it, and i myself felt a little less anxious..it wasn’t a great start, but i surely enjoyed every bit of learning that i had. oh, God knows how many hours I spent learning through videos, reading through the web, talking to people..but the prize – the bonding, closeness, love bombing, convenience and successful breastfeeding feat is incomparable. It was never easy for me, but it was all worth it.
Your baby loves to be carried by you because you mean the world to them..they love you, and you are enough.
Just please wrap him up one more try, maybe..he’ll love it this time,.just try.
Thank you and good job, Mom!
as always,
#babywearsmart
Babywear Smart 